In the Legend of Johnny Lingo, Mahana's suitor and father barter for her bride price. The women of the village sit around and compare how many cows their respective husband's had to pay for them. The wife who was bought for 1 or 2 cows feels ashamed and diminished as other wives proudly proclaim that they were bought for 4 or 5 cows. "Not for my Mahana," Johnyy Lingo says later in the film. Johnny stuns the father, Mahana, and the entire village by offering eight cows for Mahana. This show of her worth transforms Mahana from frazzled loner to beautiful Polynesian woman.
In Mormon culture, not Mormon doctrine, I get the sense that the value of a woman comes from how many children she has born and raised. Listen to the introduction of the next speaker at a Relief Society Conference or read the bios in the Church News of mission presidents and their wives. Elder So-and-So is an accomplished attorney, he and his wife are the parents of 6, 7,or 8 children. Where are the parents of 2 or 3 children. ( I do admit that the Pres Monsons (3) and Elder Bednars (3) do exist, but they feel vastly outnumbered by the Elder Scottss (7) and Elder Nelsons (10) not to mention stake president's, bishops, etc.) In the Western US region of Mormondom, six children seems to be the magic number for the perfect mormon mom while mothers who have born 7 or 8 achieve an almost reverence for their mothering skills.
I freely admit that I am jealous. I have (only) four "jewels to adorn my heavenly crown". Seriously, whoever thought up that analogy was incredibly insensitive. The number of children that a couple has is between them and the Lord, Who knows what circumstances may exist in their life. Elder Bednar wrote an article in the April 2012 Ensign entitled "The Atonement and the Journey of Mortality". In it he briefly described Sister Bednar as "a remarkably faithful and competent woman" whom he watched "persevere through intense and continuous morning sickness - literally all day every day for eight months - through each of her three pregnancies." I wept as I read of Elder and Sister Bednar praying that this challenge would be removed, but it wasn't. I felt such a kinship with a woman I have never met but with whom I can relate on a most physical level. During each of my four pregnancies I have suffered from such intense "morning sickness" or hyperemesis gravidarum. Luckily for me the sickness lasts only the first 20 weeks or pregnancy and with my last two was greatly tempered by the miracle drug Zofran. Whenever I hear someone say, 'Oh, I love being pregnant, I never feel better' or 'I never got sick once, just a little tired' I want to punch that woman in the throat. For I vividly remember the nausea so overpowering that I could not get off the bed or couch, vomiting so severe that my throat was raw and swollen, my vocal chords burned from stomach acid so that I lost my voice, the extreme weight loss, and feelings of helplessness to care for myself, my husband or my other children. And yet, my heart still longs for more babies but neither my body nor my family can willfully sign up for another one.
Well meaning but hurtful comments like "Oh, you will have another one" or elbarorating on the joys of having six children cut into the heart of this four cow mom. So when I sit on my pew wrangling my four little ones, while my husband sits up on the stand, I am haunted by the thought that the worth of a Mormon mom is counted by the number of her children. And that with only four, perhaps I am found wanting.
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