The Definition of Insanity

There is this funny little quote going around on Facebook about "if the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results, then why do I clean?"  That sums up my mental quandry most days of the week.  A lot of the time I find myself overwhelmed and despairing about the piles of things that I "need" to do and the tiny amount of time that I seem to find to do them in.  ( And yet I am blogging about it, the definition of irony.)  The lion's share of my day is cleaning, washing dishes, sweeping floors, doing laundry, making 3 meals a day plus snacks, grocery and household shopping, and running my kids around to their activities.  I despair because I reflect on all of that work and it's unending nature and think "Is this worth anything?"  Even though I do it all today, tomorrow I just wake up and do it all over again with no visible progress or results for all of the hours of work that I do.  "Does what I do make a difference?"  I am an educated, intelligent woman and often I think "Why, what is the point?"  I could hire a nanny and a housekeeper who would probably do a better job at all of that than I do.

But then Saturday at the bookstore I picked up Jane Clayson Johnson's book "I Am A Mother" on a whim out of the clearance stack.  I put it in my bathroom for a few stolen minutes of reading each day.  Of course the first few pages had me crying.  I know in my heart that what I do matters, but a lot of the time my head doesn't seem to remember.  Hopefully this book will help me find the joy and sense of purpose in my mothering that I feel to be lacking so often.